Changes

Changes. Ok, so I'm a Taurus...if you look up the characteristics of a Taurus..it states that "we hate change". I hate change with a passion. I just want everyone, everything to stay the same. At least in my life. Selfish yes, but I can't help it. Let me fill you in a little bit...

Last week I went on vacation. It was wonderful. Me, my best friend, and the beach..in another country! I was scared to fly, but my bff let me hold her hand as we took off and landed. We had a blast. First we check-in and the woman asks if we were here on Spring Break. I informed her "No, we're on a break from the 'Real World' and we paid for it..not our parents." She laughed politely, although thinking "Ok, this chick is bitter/crazy" lol! We had so much fun, swimming, laying out on the beach or by the pool, having an hour long massage by the beach, swimming with sea lions, shopping, drinking, just having a blast. I was so relaxed coming back, ready to face the world and deal with anything that came my way. My bff and I talked alot about what was going on in our lives, the stresses, the crazyness, and the possibilities of how to change those things. See, I hadn't been on a real vacation since 2005 when my hubby and I got engaged. Alot has happened since then, wedding, moving, being apart for a year, starting a new life in a new town/state and learning how to be married and seeing eachother every day instead of only weekends! So, it was nice to go on vacation. Yes, I wish my hubby could have been apart of it, but with his new job, he can't. But him being the wonderful husband that he is, said "Go! You deserve it! Have fun and don't you worry about a thing!" It was pure peace. The ocean, the constant sound of the ocean. Then there was the jacuzzi. We'd go sit in the jacuzzi every night after we went to the casino and had a few drinks. It was awesome. You'd just sit there right next to the ocean...breeze blowing through, moving the palm trees..it was just so peaceful! At one point, me, being me, started to get alittle teary-eyed because for the first time in awhile, I had found inner peace. I put everything away, everything aside and I though about me and I thought about nothing but the constant movement and noise of the ocean. I thought about the sand that was on my feet. I thought about the warm breeze and how funny it was that we needed sweatshirts at night even though it was 65 degrees! :) So after a week of relaxation and quality time with my bff I headed home, back to reality.....

A reality where something has changed. It's a big change. It's something that had been a stable thing in my life over the last year and now its gone. I'm pretty sure all of you that read this already know what I'm talking about so I'm not going to go into the details of what it is or what happened. The point is..I hate change. I hate change when it is unfair. In a sense I feel robbed. You put time, effort, tears, laughter, stress, pride into something and then it just basically shits the bed. It's almost like being betrayed. Of course the first thing that runs through my mind is "MOVE!!!!" ... I can't do that though. For the last what, six years, I have been considered an "adult" .. so I'm trying to be one. I let myself cry once over the situation. I cried in private. I went, sat on the bed, cried and then I wiped my tears and said "Alright well now that that's done.." I will not let this change get me down. I will not let something so ridiculous get me down. If it did, then I wouldn't be a true Upstate New Yorker...right? :)

Here are some of the lyrics to my new favorite song. If you read the lyrics, know that I'm not talking about my hubby or an ex-boyfriend. Think of it as the change that just happened. It's to the people who screwed me over in the end and this is basically how I'm coping at the time ...

Love to you all!!

All-American Rejects - "Gives You Hell"
Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself
Where'd it all go wrong?
But the list goes on and on

And truth be told I miss you
And truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool, you're just as well
Hope it gives you hell