My Girls

As we have all learned in life, friends come and go. Some friendships can last a life time, others just a few months. Lately I have been thinking about my friends that have been in my life. Some I have chosen not to be friends with, others have chosen not to be friends with me. But in the end, it almost seems right. Weird, I know. I've always said that even if a friend is in your life for a short period of time, look at it as a chapter in your life. Just some chapters are shorter than others.

I may not have many friends. But like I've said before, I'd rather have five amazing friends, than a million people who pretend to be a friend, but are just simply not. Lately I have felt like I had stepped back into high school. And as a side note let me add that if someone were to offer me a large amount of money to go back and relive high school, I would laugh in their face and then turn and run the other way. But anyways, there are some "friends" that are just like certain people I was "friends" with in high school. They are nice to your face, but horrible behind your back. They joke around with you, but really they use you as their joke with their other buddies. They ask you to be apart of a huge event in their life, yet they speak two words or less on a daily basis. They ask a lot from you, but give nothing in return. If you are my friend I promise you that I will go to the moon and back for you. I will climb Mount Everest. I will be there day and night. But I have been withdrawn lately. With that I want take a minute and apologize to my girls. I don't know if it's winter blues or what has been happening down here, but I'm sorry that I haven't been there the last month or so. My husband and I had a huge "life" discussion the other night. I talked about my friends mostly. I was telling him what friendship (in a girls world) is supposed to be or at least what I think it should be. I was trying to explain to him this when I came up with the perfect example. I'd like to share that with you...and yes..I'm bringing you back with me all the way to 1999....

I was in 9th grade. It was my birthday and I had a sleepover. There were five of us. Some of the girls just weren't very nice. Anyways, of course just like at every sleepover we all tried to stay up the entire night. I was the only one who fell asleep. I woke up early the next morning around 7:00 or so and I remember looking around and there was only one person in the room and that was my girl "L". I remember she turned around and said "I like your cd selection!" I said thanks and asked her where the other girls were, they had all gone for a walk. They wanted her to go but she said she'd stay at the house in case I woke up so I wouldn't be all by myself.

Silly story I know. Very high school. But to this day I think of that little moment and I thank my lucky stars for a friend like "L". She's the only left in my life out of the group. Ironic right? She has been there for me through every hardship in my 24 yrs of life on this earth. I have known her since kindergarten. She was there when my mom moved out, she was there when I needed to get out of the house and just drive, she was there when my heart was broken, she was there when I was in the house all by myself and didn't want to be alone after my parents split up, she was there when my sister got married, she was there when my dad got re-married, she was there the night I finally got the nerve to tell "S" to give me a call sometime, she was there when I married "S", she was there when he had to leave for a year, she has been there every step of the way. One weekend we were up in NY visiting and I was at a restraunt with another friend when out of no where "L" walked in the restaurant. We had not planned it. I had no idea she was in town and she had no idea I was in town. She said that she was going to call and see if I would be up, but she thought "really what are the odds of that." Well I guess the odds are pretty good. She is the friend that you may not talk to more than two times a month or go three months without talking, but when you do talk you pick up right where you left off and never skip a beat. She is my definition of a friend. Of a best friend. With that, I look for those kinds of things in my other friends. I would like to say that people may not understand me where I live, and people may judge me for not being like them. But there is a handful of girls that I wouldn't trade for the world. Because guess what..they were there for me through the hardest times of my life and the happiest times of my life. And I know they'll be there for me again, just like I'll be there for them. We may not talk all the time, but I know they are there and I hope they know that I am there. At work, its hard, that is where the questions of friendship come into play. It really is almost a "mind f**k" it's like a game of poker, just trying to lay low, keep your cool and not show your cards. It's like being under a microscope every day, hearing the whispering of the lunch room and them saying your name in a very light whisper, but then coming out after lunch and joking around with you and acting as if you didn't hear them. When those times occur, I picture my girls around me. Silly I know. But I picture them. I picture them standing around me saying "don't listen to that, be strong, screw that beeotch, or want me to beat her up?" I look at the pictures of my girls at my desk and then I relax. Because at the end of the day, when I walk out of there, I've got my real friends. They are the ones that come visit, they are the ones that are excited when I come visit, they are the ones that know me. They are the ones that know me and still love me. A friend never judges. A friend never makes you feel so crappy that you cry while stuffing your face with neopolitan icecream. Treat people the way you would want to be treated. It's that simple. Like I've said before. I may not like everyone where I work, but I sure as hell want to get along with them. But when you use someone like crap to make yourself feel better well that just isn't right. That's like eating only half of the icecream in the bowl that you scooped, then topped with fudge, then sprinkles, and then whipcream! It's just not right! It's like the Red Sox winning a World Series, let alone two! It's just not right! I graduated from high school awhile ago, I don't want to relive it, not even for money so why do others want to? I will admit, I wasn't the prom queen then and I'm not now, but I love that! I love that I am who I am and for the last freaking 4 months I questioned it all, and all because of some people that came in my life 6 months ago! So if I ever question myself again I'm going to think of my girls. And I will get the answer right away. Because they love me for me and I love them for them. All their quirks, all their stories, all their dreams, all their laughter, all their hugs, all their dance moves and all of their hearts. I cry as I write this blog because all I want to do right now is drive, drive to NY and NYC and see my girls. LIke I told one of them yesterday in an e-mail I just want to drive up there and run to their doors give them a hug, ask how they are doing, tell them i love them and that I thank the lucky stars every day that they are in my life, hop in the car, drive back down here and breathe. I call NY "home" not because I was born there. I call it "home" because that is where my girls are. That's where I am. That's where my heart really is.

So to my girls. I love you and thank you. That's really all that needs to be said.