Today is definietly one of the quick, head-whipping turns on the Rollercoaster called Life...

My mental capacity has been met. I can no longer deal with the drama that some people need in their lives everyday. Why can't just one day be boring. No drama. Nothing. As I told my wonderful husband today, I'm mentally, emotionally and physically unable to deal with bullshit. Usually, I'll deal with it, because I am a friend. But right now...I just can't. This also leads to if you're a true friend, can't you see that I am not able to even begin to digest your mellow dramatic bullshit. I could say to someone "I have a day to live." and their response would be "O.M.G. you'll never believe what crap happened to me lastnight." Now don't get me wrong, I am not looking for pity. I am not looking for attention. I am just purely speaking my mind and how I am feeling. When you've dealt with drama for 365 days a year and none of it includes your own drama, and when something dramatic happens in "real life..real world" stuff, you tend to just want to scream because your shit is just alittle more jarring. Yes, their drama may be HUGE in their mind, but to me, being the old age of 26 (almost..haha) these pieces of drama only remind me of high school. I cannot physically take it anymore. I am not crying every day because my husband doesn't have a job. I am not crying every day because I don't know which state I'm going to be living in in less than two months. Yes, I talk to my family about it. But I don't cry. And if I do, it's from holding my tears in for so long that my tear ducts can no longer hold the tears in. I have a lot on my plate right now. A lot of pressure...right now in my mind the world is on my shoulders and I've got to handle it. But I don't cry about it. I don't bitch about it. I deal with it. We all at some point, even for some people it is right now, are dealing with the same feelings I am having. But we deal with it. Yeah we may lose a couple of hours of sleep each night ... but we do not cry about it every day like we're beating a damn dead horse (sorry PETA if you're reading this). Just like the title of my blog ... life is a rollercoaster ride. You're going to have your ups and your downs. You are supposed to learn from each up and each down. Hence ya know the term "life". You need to learn to deal with what is thrown at you. But I guess what irks me the most is that someone would want to compare their drama to what is going on in my life. The day my husband lost his job...other peoples drama was worse. For example, someone wouldn't text someone back. Really? You want to compare that to my husband losing his job, us no longer having health insurance, etc. How can not getting a text even compare? My sister doesn't call me with something stressful going on and I intern say "well my day was way shittier...my cat knocked over my glass of water all over the floor and then I had to mop it up." No, I listen, I try to help any way that I can and I know that when we both get off the phone we feel a little more better, a little more stronger, a little more sane. I just don't understand. I'm tired. I guess right now my fear is that I'm afraid I'm going to either completely shut down or completely go ape shit. Either way ... that's bad. Right now I need to be the strong one so I cannot lose my shit or shut down. Plus, I've got too much going on to have the time to do either one. I just don't want to go into the dark, black hole where I've been before. Shutting the world out. I can't do that. And I will be damned, and I mean damned if some little twitt is going to send me into the dark, black hole. I guess I just have to look back at the lessons I learned through the ups and downs of life and remember what I learned. There's got to be a situation like this before that I've been in...but now if I could only find the mental strength to rehash that event and try and remember what I've learned. Probably won't happen today, maybe tomorrow. Either way ... I may slap a bitch. And to whoever is reading this, thank you for reading and listening to my venting. I appreciate you and for listening. This blog may for all I know sound very mellow dramatic ... but again it's just my thoughts ... and I am crazy enough to put them out there.

All my love....