Radar

This morning I woke up to the beautiful sound of rain hitting the roof. I had gotten a good nights sleep, but hearing the rain, I wanted to stay in bed forever. I love rainy days. I love it because no one calls, the computer is off, my hubs is at work, and there is silence. Until the little kitten (not so much a kitten anymore) hops up on the bed wanting to cuddle.

I then get up, turn on the tv, turn on the computer, check my cellphone for any calls/messages. Through all of this I can't hear the rain, I ignore my little kitten, I ignore the peacefulness of this moment. I guess that's how life is sometimes. But then I go on facebook, check myspace, check my e-mail, check the checking account to keep up with my wonderful budget that I have all planned out on a freaking spreadsheet, check the weather, check blogs, yada yada yada. The only one I really have a problem with is facebook. lol! The pure annoyance from this damn thing flows through my veins and I want to punch someone. There is just too much on this page. The stupid people, the annoying posts, the selfishness of people. People throwing war in your face. People saying bad things. Please complaining that their life sucks. Seriously, do you need to post all of your problems on facebook! That is what a blog is for you morons! You all may think I'm a bitch, but really, I'm not a bitch all the time. And you may think I have anger issues, but really, well I guess I do. I don't speak my mind. So I end up just getting annoyed. I really think I just need some space. I think I need to walk away from facebook for awhile. I'm not talking a week here, I'm talking awhile!! That shit makes me crazy!!! Plus I want to fly under the radar for awhile. I need to figure some stuff out, I need to learn the truth about some people, I need to figure out what I want to do in my life. I am always proud of my friends, always love my friends and family, if they don't have strength, I give them strength, when they want to talk about whatever, I'm here to listen. I guess I "cashed all my tokens" when my husband was gone for a year. I guess I used up the conversation cards, I guess I asked for too much. I want to be there for every single person in my life. I want to help them. I want to make them laugh, I want to be a shoulder for them to cry on. I want to have random conversations, yet at the end feel like it was one of the most meaningful conversations you have ever had. I want to give my girls advice about guys when they ask for it. I want to give courage to my friends for their new adventures and help in any way I can. I only wonder, what about me? Selfish I know, but I just need to know because I'm losing my mind down here.